Zoey's Birth - But I don't even have a bag packed!

Before I get started let me just say... I am mostly typing this out so I don't forget it and can have Zoey read this when she gets older (tis why it is written as a letter to her). That being said, this is ridiculously detailed and will probably bore most everyone. No worries... if you don't finish reading it, we will still be friends. If you do read this whole thing, you rock!

Deep breath...

and here we go...

Let me begin by saying that having a baby was not the easiest task for us. We went through much heartache on our journey to meeting you, our precious Zoey. I feel that it is important part of your story because I want you to know just how special and precious you truly are... and that you have two angel-siblings (as I lovingly call them).

Before conceiving you, J and I experienced two miscarriages. Our first miscarriage was incredibly shocking. At my 10-week appointment, the doctor could not find a heartbeat. We were devestated. It was a heartbreak unlike any I have ever felt. I truly believe that someone becomes a mother as soon as that sticks reveals two pink lines... and no words can explain just how broken and saddened I felt when I realized I would never get to meet my first child in this lifetime.

However, I was fortunate to get pregnant fairly quickly after my first miscarriage, but was once again devestated when I miscarried very shortly after I found out I was pregnant.

A few weeks later, I was very surprised with a positive pregnancy test!

At first I was terrified that I may once again experience another loss of a child, but something deep down inside of me told me this one was different.

Now the first about 13 weeks were absolutely terrifying. I had chronic bleeding in my first and beginning of my second trimester. We found ourselves in the OBGYN's office on a weekly basis fearing for the worst. It seemed like almost every other week we found ourselves texting friends begging for prayers on our drive to the doctor's office in complete terror, and then leaving the office overjoyed that our precious one had made it another week.

Needless to say, pregnancy was not all blissful for me. Zoey, you definitely gave us a run for our money, even before we met you.

I did get a little break from the fear and worry up until half way through my third trimester when my blood pressure began to creep up. I explained much of that in an earlier post. Long story, short... the doc decided to go ahead and let me have you via c-section on Aug. 16.

Haha... you know that whole saying "You make plans and God laughs"... yea, that was very true for your birth Zoey.

We were ordered to go into the hospital the day before your scheduled c-section on Monday, Aug. 15 for pre-op. Basically they have you fill out the paperwork for the next day, give you wristbands, check vitals, etc. This way you are all ready to go early, early the next morning. So to pre-op we went at about 2 p.m. in the afternoon. When we arrived we joked, laughed and dreamed of the day to come while we waited in the waiting room until they finally called us back. The nurse started to ask all the general questions... how far along are you? allergies? number of pregnancies? intended pediatrician?

Then came the part of checking my and your vitals. You sounded perfect. Your heartbeat was as strong as ever and you were pretty chill in there. Then the nurse strapped on the blood pressure cuff... 187 over 117. Not so good. My PIH had official kicked in full swing. After many more checks, the nurse decided to give my OBGYN a call just to make sure she wanted me to leave the hospital.

Before I knew it the nurse was coming back in asking when was the last time I ate and what I ate. That's when it hit J and I... we were going to be having this baby today. Sure enough, the nurse walks in a few minutes later and tells me that I will be having an emergency c-section in about 45 minutes.

We were in shock. I kept saying "But what about the list of things that need to be done... I don't even have a bag packed." Then I started to cry. I was scared and so was J. Basically after several more checks of my bp and orders to lay on my side and relax... the doc was fearful of a stroke or seizures. So, in walks Dr. Logan with the sweetest smile on her face. "You ready to have a baby?!"

I immediately started texting family and friends and calling our immediate family. Then started praying that the surgery be stalled b/c there was no way my parents could make it b/c they were from out of town. Luckily the anesthesiologist was stuck in another surgery so we had to wait and your Beck-Beck and Old Man were able to make it... along with your JoJo, Pops and about 30 other friends and family... that waiting room was packed!!!

I remember laying on that bed in triage praying that the Lord protect my baby and never once thinking to pray for myself. I was going to be a mommy, and I was terrifyingly excited! They had me get in the gown, get the IV in my hand and sat me in a wheelchair. They rolled me down the halls to the OR where Jerrod waited outside the room while I got my spinal and all prepped. It wasn't at all how I had imagined. Nothing like the movies. It took a while for the meds to kick in and finally I was numb.

Jerrod came in... bless his heart, he looked petrified. Then the surgery began. Holy moly. Like I said... nothing like the movies. Zoey, you were so far up in my ribs that one doc had to jump on my stomach to push you down, while another pulled you out. I felt like I was being tackled and was shaking from all the pushing and pulling. I could feel so much pressure... it was very uncomfortable. I'm guessing my BP started to go up some more and I became very uncomfortable b/c the pain management nurse said, "Ma'am, I need to give you this medicine but you are probably not going to remember your daughter being born." Dr. Logan quickly stated, "Abby you have 2 more minutes. Hang in there for two more minutes." I said, "I can do anything for two more minutes." The pressure was incredibly uncomfortable, but I didn't care... I wanted to see your face. I wanted to remember that moment more than anything.

And sure enough... about two minutes later... at 5:34 p.m. you arrived into this world without hardly a cry (true to your personality) and blue as could be. It took them a good long while to get you to take some good deep breaths. You were 17 in. long and 4 lbs. 3 oz... the most beautiful and perfect being I ever did see!

And my heart burst into a million pieces...